Putting Feelings To Music
by Aurora Snowstorm
Summary: Fionna decides to tell Van how she feels, but will she pull through with it? Moonbay wants to do the same, but revenge, danger, and deaths get in the way. *Pg-13 for cussing, guns, and depressing stuff.
1. What to say...

Fionna rested her head upon her knees, watching as Moonbay made dinner for tonight. Irvine was off doing something by himself. In the distance she could see Van and Zeke, goofing around…playing around like the great friends they were. Her eye sight lingered on the best friends. Moonbay happened to glance up from the boiling pot, and noticed Fionna's lingering…almost longing gaze set at Van.  
  
" Thinking of anything special?" Moonbay asked, jolting Fionna's attention back to the campfire.  
  
" Umm…No, not really." Fionna's face turned a light shade of pink as she looked at the ground.  
  
Moonbay smiled, " Not really, huh?"  
  
Twirling the spoon in the pot, Moonbay took a moment to taste her creation, smiling with satisfaction. The fire crackled once or twice, as Fionna casually looked over at Van again.  
  
" You should tell him, you know."  
  
Fionna looked at Moonbay again, " Hmmm…tell him what?"  
  
" You know, how you feel about him. Wouldn't want you waiting till it's too late…"  
  
" What do you mean? How I feel about him? Too late?"  
  
Moonbay grinned, " Oh you know, I think he really had a thing for that girl we met in town today…"  
  
" Oh…you think so? I…I didn't really notice." Her pale eyes glanced again, at the ground.  
  
" Sure you didn't. Like I said before…wouldn't want you to wait till it was too late to tell him how you feel." Moonbay took another sip of the hot soup before continuing. " Do you get what I'm tryin to say?"  
  
Suddenly, Fionna's face had a grim look of determination on it, as she nodded to Moonbay. It was almost as if she were going to fight the strongest zoid all by herself. She stood slowly, and started the short walk to where Van and Zeke lay looking at the stars. Her mind wandered to the day she first met Van…  
  
**************************  
  
just a day, just an ordinary day.  
  
just tryin' to get by…  
  
just a boy just, an ordinary boy,  
  
but he was looking to the sky and  
  
as he asked if I could come along,  
  
I started to realize…  
  
that every day he finds just what he's looking for,  
  
and like a shooting star he shines, and he said,  
  
"Take my hand, live while you can,  
  
don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand."  
  
****************************  
  
Since that day…I've changed, so much. I've changed because of him…I've changed for the better. Fionna knew she would not have gotten so far in her journey if it weren't for Van. He'd done so much for her to help her get on her way. She sat down next to Van who's eyes were closed, thinking about things she guessed. Zeke, looked at Fionna, somehow realizing why she was here. Slowly, Zeke stood and walked back to the campfire, where Moonbay sat watching.  
  
Fionna took a deep breath. Ways of saying how she felt ran through her head like water rushing out from a faucet. She couldn't put her finger on just the right one, like she couldn't put catch the right drop just as it flew by. Van's eyes opened slowly, and he jumped at the sight of Fionna.  
  
Laughing he sat up, " Man Fionna…I didn't even know you were there! You sure know how to sneak up on a person."  
  
Fionna gave him a small smile, before turning her head to look up at the stars. The dark sky blanketing around them. Van noticed Fionna looked a little distracted and maybe even nervous.  
  
"Is…something the matter?"  
  
She looked at him, " No…no, I was just thinking of all that we've been through. I wonder what would have happened to me if we never met."  
  
Van shook his head quickly, " Hey, no way! Don't even think about that…I mean we were destined to meet weren't we?"  
  
Fionna smiled, turning to look off into the distance. She couldn't help but think about it, even though it scared her more than fighting in any battle that lie ahead.  
  
******************  
  
and as he spoke, he spoke, ordinary words  
  
though they did not feel  
  
for I felt what I had not felt before  
  
and you'd swear those words could heal and  
  
as I looked up into those eyes, his vision borrows mine  
  
and I know he's no stranger  
  
for I feel I've held him for all of time, and he said  
  
" Take my hand, live while you can,  
  
don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand."  
  
****************  
  
" Van…you've done so much for me. I never would have gotten so far, or met so many wonderful new friends if it weren't for you…and our friendship is something I treasure more than almost anything else."  
  
He glanced at her, his mind taking in what she said. Van was surprised when she said it, he never really expected to hear anything like this. And he didn't know what to think of it. Fionna brought her knees to her chest.  
  
" Really? You really think all of that?" He asked, turning to stare at her.  
  
Fionna shook her head, putting her hand on his shoulder, " No, I don't think it…I can feel it….I…I know it."  
  
**************  
  
please come with me, see what I see  
  
touch the stars for time will not flee  
  
time will not flee, can't you see…  
  
**************  
  
Fionna hesitated, she was so close to telling him… Moonbay knew best didn't she? If she thought it was time then… But her fear kept her from speaking again, as she traced her finger around in the dust. Sighing, she looked over at Van again, the twinkle of the stars accenting his eyes. Someday I'll tell him, someday…I really will.  
  
*************  
  
just a day, just an ordinary day  
  
just tryin' to get by  
  
just a boy, just an ordinary boy, but  
  
he was looking to the sky  
  
************  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: I've always wanted to write a Zoids: Chaotic Century/Guardian Force fic, and here I finally did it. I hope to write another chapter as soon as I can, but until then, have a good one.  
  
Please review.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zoids, or any of the other characters. Nor do I own the song, Ordinary Day, but it is written and sung by the wonderful artist, Vanessa Carlton. Buy her new cd, Be Not Nobody, believe me, you won't be disappointed. 


	2. How I Feel

Moonbay frowned at the slowly cooling soup. If they didn't hurry up there would be no dinner worth eating. She glanced over to where Fionna and Van still sat, talking…hopefully.  
  
" I wonder if she's told him yet…and if not, how long does it really take to tell someone your in love with them?" Moonbay asked aloud.  
  
She looked at Zeek who was staring at the two in anticipation. " You want to know what they're talking about too, don't you?" Moonbay paused a moment. " Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt if we listened in on their conversation…what do you say?"  
  
Zeek nodded and started off to a boulder that was situated not too far from his friends. Moonbay stood quickly, running swiftly after the organoid.  
  
" Hey wait for me…" She whispered, as she made her way behind the boulder as well.  
  
Van sat, legs outstretched, casually looking at the sky and wondering when dinner would be done. He wasn't used to eating it so late, and the hunger was getting to him. Fionna looked at him.  
  
" Van, wh…"  
  
" What?"  
  
She shook her head. " Nevermind…"  
  
A pause for several minutes. Somewhere, Fionna thought she heard a voice telling her to go ahead, go ahead and tell him.  
  
" Van, I…"  
  
" Yes?"  
  
Fionna sighed at herself, " Nothing…it's nothing."  
  
Her fear felt like it was squeezing her chest tightly. Catching her breath she casually glanced to a lone boulder that stood only a little bit a way. I can't do…this…I can't… Again a voice seemed to be saying, ' do it, you can do it, just go ahead and tell him.'  
  
" Did you hear something?" Van asked suddenly, looking around.  
  
She shook her head, " No…I don't think so."  
  
A pause. " Look, Fionna, I need to tell you something."  
  
" No…wait, I have something to tell you too…And I think I need to go first."  
  
  
  
Irvine walked up to the slowly dwindling fire that signified the campsite. And yet, there was no one there. A pot of cold soup sat to the side and everyone's things were still here.  
  
" Where is everyone?"  
  
His gaze wandered off into the distance; he saw Fionna and Van, sitting next to each other. For some reason I feel like I shouldn't go over there. Whoever said I do what I should do? Smiling to himself, Irvine walked towards them a little, just close enough to hear and not be seen.  
  
  
  
" Van…I like you. Well, actually, I think I love you." Fionna said, her breath short and quick.  
  
Van looked as though he was going to speak, but she put a hand to his mouth to stop him, " Please, just hear me out… Since the day I met you, I knew you were someone special. I knew that going with you would be the smartest choice in my life, I just didn't know why. Van, it only took me a little while to realize that I had feelings for you…I felt something for you…something I'd never felt before. And I still feel that…I…I just think that feeling is what love is. Because it hurts and yet it feels so wonderful all at once." She paused to breath. " I think it hurts…because I'm not with you in the way I'd like to be, and because…I don't know how you feel…or if you would ever want anything more."  
  
Van's face was turned to the ground; Fionna was afraid she'd gone to far. She thought maybe it had been a better idea not to tell him. When he lifted his head to face her however, he smiled. And Fionna knew at that very moment that he felt the same; that he was going to say the same thing only moments before.  
  
" Fionna, I would really like it if you and I…could have something more."  
  
She smiled weakly, surprised by his response even though she shouldn't be. They embraced, in a hug of friendship that was soon going to reach way past it's normal boundaries. A delighted roar came from behind the boulder; both Van and Fionna turned to look at the huge rock in surprise. Walking behind it they saw Moonbay trying to clamp Zeke's mouth shut in desperation. Looking up at the couple, Moonbay let go, blushing apologetically.  
  
" You were there the…whole time?" Van asked, turning slightly red as well.  
  
Moonbay nodded, " Yep, and it's about time you two got together."  
  
" That's no excuse for you listening in on our conversation!" He exclaimed.  
  
" Well, I uh, was just coming over to tell you that dinner was done and couldn't help but hear you two." She replied trying to defend herself.  
  
" Actually, dinner's been done for a while now…and it's cold." Irvine sat on the boulder above the four.  
  
" Ahh!" Van started to yell in surprise, before he recognized who it was. " Hey, how long have you been there?"  
  
" Mmmm…A while…I heard you two love birds as well, took you long enough."  
  
Van growled, but Fionna interjected, " Lets go eat everyone."  
  
Slowly the group headed back to the campfire. Moonbay lagged a little behind the rest. If Fionna can do it…then I can too…right? Her unsettled thoughts were giving her a stomach ache, as she pondered these things in her head. Stealing a glance at Irvine, she served up the cold soup casually and sat cross legged on the ground. Van and Fionna sat closer together tonight than usual, occasional they took a moment to stare at the other before returning to their meal. Apparently, Irvine was the only one who noticed how cold the soup really was. As much as he would have liked to eat it despite it's horrible flavor, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had too many other things on his mind; the soup was ruining his concentration. Sighing he tossed it over his shoulder, and was surprised when Moonbay didn't notice.  
  
  
  
As the sun began to rise in the horizon, Van and Fionna sat next to each other on the boulder. A cool breeze blew gently across them; the mist had not yet been settled. Fionna's attention seemed to be directed entirely at the burning ball of flame rising in the distance; Van however continued to steal nervous glances at her.  
  
" Um…Fionna, would it be okay if I kissed you now?"  
  
She blushed, smiling, " Yes, of course…but from now on you don't have to ask, okay?"  
  
Van nodded, turning rather pink in the cheeks as well. He closed his eyes, leaning forward and to the left slightly. Fionna took a breath, before closing her eyes as she began to lean forward. They're cheeks grazed each other, and the two through their heads backward realizing that they missed.  
  
Both blushing and ashamed, they turned away from the other a moment. They couldn't help but laugh softly at their awkward attempt at something so meaningful. Van looked sideways at her.  
  
" I guess, we're not ready yet, huh?" He said, turning to look at the sun again.  
  
She shrugged her shoulders slightly, " Maybe we just have to wait for the right moment."  
  
The sun's light poured out onto their little camp site. Van and Fionna stayed on the boulder for a little while longer…the next day had finally begun.  
  
  
  
*******************  
  
A/N: Chapter two is out..and not too long after chapter 1, gosh I never update stories this soon. I wonder how long it will take me to get number three out…. Oh and sorry it's so short. I promise the next one will be longer. _  
  
Distribution: I don't own any of the characters I used in this fic. Though if I could own one, it'd definitely be that hottie Irvine. 


	3. Regrets

The two men lay spread out on a cliff high above the sand dunes below. One looked through binoculars, focusing on something below.  
  
" That's him all right…he may have gotten older, but I can still tell. I'd recognize him anywhere…"  
  
The other man nodded, taking the binoculars himself for a moment and handing them back.  
  
" Looks like they have a blade liger and a…is that…yes I've heard of that zoid before, the lightning saix. I don't think we could beat them with ours…"  
  
" Who said we'd use a zoid battle to settle this…" And the other man smiled, as he touched the gun in his belt.  
  
  
  
A grumbling sound filled the desert, making mice scatter and birds fly from their perches.  
  
" Moonbay, are you gonna make lunch anytime soon? I'm starving!" As he said it, Van held his stomach and sighed.  
  
" Hold on…I can only make lunch so fast." Moonbay snapped back, her shoulders ached from hunching so long.  
  
The truth was, she had been so distracted with her thoughts about Irvine, that she forgot completely about making lunch. She would go into a little trance every now in then, staring into the distance while thinking of what she would say to casually tell him how she felt, without becoming too emotionally vulnerable. In case she was rejected, Moonbay wanted to be able to laugh it off as though she hadn't really meant it at all.  
  
She added something to the soup, not really sure what it was and not really caring. Why is this so hard… Irvine sat a few feet away from Moonbay, leaning on the leg of his lightning saix as he watched Van and Fionna talk quietly to one another. He looked out over the distance, noticing a cliff nearby. A glint of light shone from the top of the red rock that just barely caught his line of sight. Zooming in, Irvine saw the two men and he saw the gun…  
  
" Everyone get down!" He shouted, and as he said it bullets flew off the sides of the lightning saix.  
  
In one swift motion, Van held Fionna down to the ground. He lay on top of her, both their eyes closed tight in fear. However, Moonbay had little time to react, her attention was already very limited and she was too confused to do anything as the bullets traveled dangerously close to her head.  
  
" Moonbay!" Irvine called, as he pushed her down to the ground.  
  
Grunting slightly from the loss of air, he stayed there for a few minutes. The bullets were screaming by in slower intervals now. Moonbay looked over at Van and Fionna lovingly trying to protect one another and she compared her and Irvine to the other couple. He must like me, he must or why would he risk his life to protect me?  
  
Irvine got up, slowly sneaking off of Moonbay trying to make it to the cliff, but just as he was in the right position, the bullets stopped. Van lifted himself slowly from Fionna's soft small body.  
  
" What was that all about?" Van said, as he stood and brushed himself of the sand.  
  
Moonbay thought again of the heroic way Irvine had dived on top of her and went back to the soup, humming softly as though nothing had happened. Irvine stood, staring at the cliff; he didn't notice Fionna looking at him curiously.  
  
  
  
" Damn, I can't believe I missed."  
  
The other man shook his head, " You're a terrible shot Jericho."  
  
Jericho grunted angrily, his head hung. " I don't want to kill anyone but him though. How can we get him alone?"  
  
" The girl…"  
  
" Yes there were two girls. Your point David?"  
  
" You saw the way he jumped on top to protect that girl with his own life. He must care for her something deep." He smiled. " I'm sure he'd come right to us…if we had something he wanted…something he cared for."  
  
Jericho raised an eyebrow, " What are you suggesting?"  
  
David's grin only broadened as he gave Jericho a pat on the back. " You'll find out soon enough."  
  
  
  
Irvine walked back to the fire, the cool night breeze blowing his hair. Both Fionna and Van sat next to each other talking quietly. Weird seeing them act so lovey dovey.. Zeek lay stretched out next to them, quietly napping, but…  
  
" Where's Moonbay?" Irvine's question quickly jolted the couples attention back to reality.  
  
Fionna looked around a moment, " Oh yes, she said she was going to get some water from the stream we found over there."  
  
" And you let her go alone?"  
  
Van nodded, " What's the problem you think whoever was shooting at us will come back?"  
  
She pointed into the dark night, " It's only just over-"  
  
" Ahhhhhhhhhh!" The scream ripped into the campsite like a knife.  
  
" Moonbay!"  
  
Irvine and Van ran in the direction of the scream. The stream was quietly flowing against the rocks, but there was no one in sight. A pan lay upside down on the ground. A piece of paper lay just below Irvine's foot and he picked it up. Quietly, while Van was calling for Moonbay's and searching the area, Irvine opened the note and read.  
  
Irvine, if you ever want to see your precious girlfriend again,  
  
come to the cave on top of the cliff, alone. If someone is with you,  
  
she will be shot. This is a trade…you for her.  
  
He stuffed the note inside his pocket, and followed Van back to the campsite. Fionna waited anxiously with an overprotective Zeek by her side.  
  
" Moonbay's gone. We couldn't find her anywhere and she didn't return our calls." Van explained.  
  
Fionna frowned. " I hope she's okay…"  
  
" Zeek, Fionna, and Van I want you guys to look around the creek some more. I'll go check over there. We'll find her."  
  
Van looked doubtful, " I don't know if you should go alone Irvine. Maybe Zeek or I should go with you."  
  
" No, I'll be fine. Trust me." Please just trust me for a change  
  
Van nodded; Irvine watched as the trio walked away from him. When they were out of sight, he started towards the cliff.  
  
  
  
" Let me out of these ropes now!" Moonbay screamed.  
  
The dark cave made it nearly impossible to see her capturers, and the ropes were cutting into her arms and legs. One of them lit a lanturn; she was surprised to see they looked like normal people.  
  
" Can't we cover her mouth…or something?" The one asked; he held his gun against his thigh carefully watching the cave entrance.  
  
The other shook his head, " No…remember we want him to find this place. She's only helping."  
  
" Who's he? What are you talking about? Why are you doing this to me?" Moonbay was confused, they were both acting so strangely. " Are you stupid or something? Or deaf? Deaf and dumb is that what you are? Is that why you can't answer my questions?"  
  
" Shut up!" The man shouted, he punched her hard in the cheek.  
  
Moonbay cried out, biting her lip to keep from screaming. Can't let them know, he hurt me. He would've punched her again, but the other man grabbed his arm at the last moment.  
  
" Hey, ease up. It's not her we're after…remember?"  
  
The man growled, but took his seat on the ground. A loud sound came from just outside the cave, like something had fallen. They've come to save me! One of the men cut the rope from her ankle off and held her up. She wasn't happy that the man was the same one who gave her the slowly forming bruise on the right side of her face.  
  
" What do you think that noise was?"  
  
The other man smiled, " 's him, trying to outsmart us, and get us to come out there."  
  
" Oooh, I think I know how we can get him to come in here…" The grip he had on Moonbay tightened, as a large smile came over the man's face.  
  
  
  
Come on…come on…get out here. That's how it's supposed to work Irvine sat impatiently on top of the cave. A cry of pain came from inside. Damn…they know I'm out here…God I can't just leave her in there. Another cry of such agony and torture, that he couldn't handle it any longer, Irvine jumped to the ground and ran inside. A disgusting looking pig of a man, tightly held Moonbay by her arms, the way he was looking at her…Irvine wanted to puke, and the gun held at her soft, brown hair… The other man pointed his gun at Irvine.  
  
Frantically, Moonbay's eyes searched around for any sign of Van or Fionna or Zeek. Did he come alone to save me? Is he crazy…or maybe just…in love. Despite her present position, Moonbay was beaming with joy.  
  
" Finally…finally, we get to have our revenge." The man's grin widened after all these years.  
  
Irvine slowly walked towards them, " Let her go, now."  
  
" Oh…right, we have to take up our part of the deal too, don't we? David, let her go…David…let go of her now."  
  
David smiled grimly, " Nah, we don't have to now do we? We could kill his girl right in front of him…then him too. That revenge would be sweet…"  
  
" No…let her go. It's not her fault that guy's a slimy bastard."  
  
Irvine took the opportunity, kicking the gun from Jericho's hand, he grabbed it up quickly from the floor and held it to the man's head.  
  
" Let her go, or I'll kill your brother." Irvine said slowly, calmly holding the gun.  
  
Moonbay's eyebrows raised. Would he really kill that man…if it came to that? It didn't feel like David was going to let go anytime soon. In fact, he began laughing a low rumble that pushed against her back as he let it fill the cave.  
  
" Oh…so you do remember us and you'll kill him, the only family I have left." He laughed. " You'll kill him just like you-"  
  
" Stop talking and let her go!"  
  
David smirked, " Oh yes because we wouldn't want her to know how much of a monster you are." 'Click' " All right, all right…I'll let her go."  
  
He released his grip on Moonbay; she stopped a moment hesitated. She couldn't leave Irvine here alone with these men. These men who seemed to hate him, who wanted to kill him. She stopped to look at him.  
  
" Go…run, now." He told her.  
  
" But…"  
  
" Go."  
  
Moonbay turned, running. David pointed the gun in her direction.  
  
" Let go of my brother, your girlfriend's still in range.."  
  
Irvine moved the gun down slowly; waiting for David to do the same. Instead he moved the gun and pointed it at Irvine's head. Jericho walked off a little to the side.  
  
" Finally, we get to avenge our family. How dare you kill them…how dare you blow his head off with his family sitting there with him…eating a peaceful dinner together. How dare you make us watch them die."  
  
Irvine looked at the ground quickly, and took a breath. The silence filled the area.  
  
" That happened a long time ago…I was young, didn't know what I was doing…or who I was getting involved with. I'm sorry."  
  
Davids arm was shaking, tears streamed down his cheek, " That's no fucking excuse! You think that'll just make it all better? Huh? You think we'll just forget about it because you didn't know what you were doing…because you were stupid?!?"  
  
As if he already didn't know that, as if he didn't think about the things he'd done every single done. It was painful to think of how much he'd hurt people before. He cringed. For a moment he let Jericho push his hand up in an attempt to get the gun away. Then he punched Jericho down to the ground, pointing the gun at him.  
  
" I don't want to shoot anyone…" Irvine felt his throat tighten; he struggled against his emotions, but kept the gun straight.  
  
'Click' " Yeah, well I do." David pulled the trigger.  
  
Moonbay looked straight at the cliff when she heard the shot. Her heart beating so quickly in her chest, she thought it would burst. Van and Fionna came running up the hillside. They saw Moonbay and ran to her.  
  
Fionna grabbed Moonbay's shoulder tightly. " Moonbay…are you all right? We heard the shot what-"  
  
Another shot. " Oh God…It's Irvine. I was captured by two men with guns and put in the cave on top of the cliff…he came and saved me. They said it was a trade, that they wanted their revenge. Irvine told me to run…I didn't want to but…I didn't know what else to do…"  
  
Fionna gave her friend a hug, " I'm sure he's fine. There were two men after all and two shots…I'd hate to think of Irvine killing someone but…"  
  
Moonbay nodded, the two girls stood up, and followed the already running Van and Zeek. Please let him be okay  
  
  
  
Irvine lay on the ground, blood seeping from his leg. He had tried to avoid the bullet when he heard the click he jumped to the side, but it managed to graze his ear. And he didn't have enough time to retaliate before the second shot went into his thigh. He was shaking with the shooting pain constantly running up and down his leg. It took him a few moments to realize that he still had the gun in his hand.  
  
As David was ready to shoot him again, Irvine brought the gun up, aiming to knock the gun from his hand.  
  
" Irvine!"  
  
The shout startled him. Irvine's hand lost its position as he pushed the trigger in all the way. David was knocked down by the shot that went through his chest, but managed to use the last of his strength to pull the trigger. However his aim was knocked off by fall, and the bullet went straight through his brother, who also fell to the ground. Someone screamed at the shots, probably Fionna or maybe Moonbay. Irvine closed his eyes painfully; he hadn't wanted them to get shot. He stood painfully, as Van, Zeek, and Moonbay rushed over to him.  
  
" Irvine…you look like your hurt." Moonbay said, her eyes full of worry.  
  
He shook his head, trying to cover the bullet hole in his leg. " No…I'm fine."  
  
Fionna walked to the two men, feeling their pulse one at a time, " They're…they're both dead."  
  
He didn't bother saying anything more, and walked out of the cave, not caring what they thought, not caring about anything.  
  
  
  
He worked all day, they had no shovels left so he dug with his hands until he had two large holes in the sandy ground. It wasn't much, but it was better then nothing. Another man that you've killed. How many is that now? Irvine sighed. Sitting across from the two holes he couldn't help but think it was his fault that they'd both died. You can never hide from your past…never forget about it huh?  
  
The bandage he had roughly put on his wound scraped against his pant leg; he could smell the blood. Moonbay walked over to Irvine, slightly nervous as she carried a bowl of soup . She wanted talk to him; figure out why these men's deaths seemed to hurt him so. She wanted to comfort him. Say something to him, anything, but she was at a loss for words. Setting the soup on the ground next to him, Moonbay walked back to the campsite leaving him with his thoughts.  
  
Irvine took the bowl and poured it behind a rock. He put the empty bowl down. Walking up to the cave, he held his breath. Seeing their dead bodies again was not something he wanted to do. Inside Fionna worked to sew the bodies in white wool blanket. Irvine kneeled at the one she had already finished and worked to pick it up. It…him…what do you call the shell of someone who's gone?  
  
" You know Van can help you with that."  
  
Irvine nodded his head, pulling the body to the holes. It took him several minutes to get there. Sweat pouring down his face, from the labor it took. He lowered it in, and stood watching the white blanket as the sun melted in the background. Footsteps made him break his trance, it was Van pulling the other body along. Irvine stared as the boy put the body in the hole. A boy…that was all Van was. He knew little about the world, about hate, about the things people would do for money for power. God he knew some, he knew more than he should, but he had no idea of the kind of things Irvine had been involved with…before.  
  
Irvine sighed. He was no better than Raven. Maybe even worse. Van glanced over at his friend for a moment. Together they pulled the dirt over the empty holes.  
  
  
  
Irvine stared off into the distance. Two headstones had been put at the front of the dirt mounds. A cool night breeze blew, and the stars twinkled in the dark sky above. Darker than normal. Fionna held tight to Van, pushing her body up against his; staring at the graves. She couldn't help wondering what she'd do if Van were to… If anyone she cared for were to die. How could she live? A tear dropped from her chin and melted into the dry sand.  
  
" Amazing grace,  
  
how sweet the sound.  
  
That saved, a wretch like me.  
  
I once, was lost, but now  
  
Am found.  
  
Was blind, but now  
  
I see."  
  
As Moonbay finished the song, she kneeled down and touched the mounds. A shiver went down her spine. She felt she needed to say something, something touching and moving, but what could she really say?  
  
" May your souls forever be watched out for, may you be forgiven for your wrongs, and may your loved ones heal from your absence."  
  
" There is no one else. They were the only family they had left." Irvine muttered.  
  
He walked away.  
  
Moonbay sat next to Irvine. He hadn't said a thing since he had walked off yesterday night. There were so many things she didn't understand. Why was he so depressed over men who had been trying to kill him, that had almost killed them trying to get him? Is it because he had to shoot them? Or something else…  
  
Well, none of that mattered now. She knew one thing, that she loved…liked him, a lot. It may not be the right time, but she had to tell him. She had to know how he felt, before she lost her mind with all this wondering. Now that she had the nerve to do it, there was only one thing left to do.  
  
" Irvine…" Nothing, no acknowledgment, nothing just him staring into space. " Irvine, I think I like you. No I know I like you. I like you a lot. I'd love to be your girlfriend, if you'd let me. Wouldn't that be fun? Me and you, girlfriend and boyfriend. Who would have dreamed of such a thing?"  
  
Moonbay glanced over to see his reaction, and he was looking at the ground. For a moment they shared the same thought. How do I say this? Moonbay moved closer to Irvine and smiled.  
  
" I'm…being serious here Irvine. I really like you."  
  
He looked away for a moment. Moonbay was tense, and her hands were shaking. But he did not answer her for several minutes.  
  
" I can't."  
  
The shaking stopped and she stared at him, " Can't what?"  
  
" I'm sorry."  
  
Irvine stood, and walked away. I don't want to put your life endanger again. I don't want to see any of you to get hurt because of me. They have no idea what kind of person I really am…  
  
  
  
I have wandered far and wide  
  
For something real, something to die for  
  
And I have found you,  
  
But you do not see  
  
All that is me, all that is true and  
  
I am more than you will see  
  
I am more than you will need  
  
I am more than you will see  
  
More than wanted…  
  
As you float the flimsy surface  
  
You should know life lies beneath it  
  
Don't pretend you feel what I feel  
  
You live illusion and I'm real.  
  
I am more than you will see  
  
I am more than you will need  
  
I am more than you will see  
  
More than wanted  
  
" You're leaving, aren't you?"  
  
It was late at night, probably very early morning. Irvine hadn't expected anyone to wake up when he sneaked from his bed and prepared to leave. He had almost finished packing his bag, when he noticed Fionna standing beside him.  
  
" Yeah…" He wasn't trying to hide it.  
  
" Why? Who were those men? You know them don't you?" Fionna gave him a look.  
  
" It's a long story, and I don't think I have time to…" He pulled the pack over his shoulder, but Fionna put a hand on his arm.  
  
" You do. Tell me, so can tell them… They'll hate you if you leave now." Fionna and Van had spied on Moonbay as she had made her move earlier. " Tell me so I won't hate you."  
  
Moonbay cried, which made Van angry. Van knew Irvine had feelings for Moonbay, and he couldn't understand why he would lie and hurt her. So confusion turned to angry. And Moonbay wasn't depressed long. She was irritated with the answer she had gotten; she wanted an explanation not an apology.  
  
" If I tell you, they'll hate me anyway."  
  
Fionna, broken from her trance, saw the sad look on his face as he stared at the ground.  
  
" Tell me." Without realizing it, she brought her pale hand to Irvine's temple and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. " Tell me."  
  
  
  
A long time ago…well, not that long ago, but it feels like it was a long time ago…I was involved with some bad stuff. Really bad stuff. Yah see, after my sister died, I had no one, and the only way I could live was by stealing. By the time I was twelve, I was with a gang of theives we all worked hard and members got caught often. It was rough, but the other kids in the gang were like family. We helped each other out, and watched each other's backs stuff like that.  
  
When I was fourteen the gang turned into more of an organized crime deal. We grew to such an extent that we had people in other towns and we kept trying to steal bigger and better things. Some guy named Malthios heard of us, he was willing to pay us all regular salaries to do things for him. Commit crimes for him. We'd never had a leader before; but then again we never had a daily salary before either.  
  
I was there the first time we'd ever killed someone. Screaming, darkness, confusion, bullets showered down all around them. A loud thud and cold rain pouring down. Splashing on the dark ground. Creating puddles, mixing with the red…  
  
It was quick. We surrounded her; Shawn who was like an older to me pulled a trigger. Sent a bullet through her brain. She fell, died instantly.  
  
Weren't you scared?  
  
No…at first I…think…I was… He was trying to block her out. He'd never told anyone this much before. Never remembered things in this great of detail before. She was stronger then his automatic shield, he really wanted to tell her…to tell someone. So she broke through.  
  
Weren't you scared?  
  
No, at first I think I liked it. I liked killing. I liked watching snobby people who always thought they were better than everyone else die. I actually liked it. Murdering came kind of common soon after that. It was how things were run. If you didn't like it…well, you were on the receiving end of the fire. Things weren't as fun anymore; the other members weren't family but people who might stab me in the back if I should turn the other way.  
  
The first person I…killed…. It was harder…harder than I thought to pull that trigger. And end the life of some snobby selfish bitch. I was only fiveteen…I thought I was more than old enough to end someone else's life. But it was more then that…we…did more to her…too much more. I lied…I didn't have to pull any trigger to kill her. She was dead long before then…I had already…  
  
He was blocking her out again. This time with all he had, his consiousness, all his will power, building a wall stronger than she could break. She knew there was no way to see what had happened.  
  
Fine then…we'll move on. Tell me about the two men. How do you know them?  
  
It was what she had come for anyway, but still there was hesitance within him.  
  
After a year we'd gained ourselves a name. UB…Universal Bandits was what it meant to us. To everyone else it meant 'u bitch'. To some members what we did just became a sick game. Destroying villages for the hell of it. To me it was just a job. The only thing I thought I could do. The only thing I was worth doing.  
  
I was sixteen when I came to those men's village. We had specific orders to kill their father. He was a traitor. Told some secrets about Malthios that he shouldn't have. I don't even remember the exact details. It was all up to me to do the killing, but two other guys came with. Just in case…  
  
We spied in through their open window. It was a big guy and two guys only a year or so older than me. And… that's all…that's all there was…  
  
There was someone else…wasn't there?  
  
She could almost see it in her head, there was someone sitting across from the father… She had to have the whole story.  
  
Who else was there?  
  
A…damn't it was a little girl. A little girl maybe six years old, with this golden blond hair and dark green eyes. They were all eating a nice family meal. The fireplace was blazing right behind them. And oh, how I wanted to kill him just then and there. He had a family. Those boys had a father and a sister, and even another brother. And I didn't… Seeing that girl reminded me of my own sister, it made me stop. For a minute I didn't want to kill anyone inside that room. She reminded me so much of my sister, that I think I might have cried out if those two guys I was with hadn't pulled me to the side.  
  
They didn't feel like waiting around. It was late at night, snow on the ground, and snow in the air. A blizzard was coming and the last thing they wanted to do was be out here waiting for that family inside to finish their lovely meal, so we could finish the father. "Kill him now. Shoot him now" they kept saying it over and over again. It didn't matter to me either way. Whether I killed him now…or later it would be the same.  
  
The little girl was taking care of the dishes. I lined up to hit the father right square in the chest. Maybe I should have aimed for his head. That girl saw me, and just as I was about to pull the trigger. She screamed, " Daddy!" And jumped in front of the flying bullet. She lay on the ground, blood swirling on the hardwood floor. My partners yelled at me to shoot the dad this time. I was still stunned, but by now I killed automatically. I aimed, pulled the trigger. I killed them both.  
  
The brothers were shocked; they looked straight at me, straight through me. What that girl had done for her father. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was like I'd just killed my own sister. The other two dragged me away, and then I was responding to things automatically. Like a robot or something who only does what it's commanded to do. That girl changed me…there's never a day I don't think about her.  
  
How could we have traveled together for so long and, Van, Moonbay and I never knew anything about this?  
  
I'm good at hiding.  
  
Fionna felt like she was going to faint as she put her hand down and opened her eyes. All of the emotion that was surging within her at that moment was too much to handle. Surprise at this new power she had just found out about. Shock at what she had learned about Irvine. Imagine how long they'd traveled together, and she had never known. She was exhausted, and had forgotten completely about Irvine leaving.  
  
She'd sort out these thoughts tomorrow, she told herself, she'd talk to Irvine then… Walking back to the campsite, she shimmied into her sleeping bag and fell immediately asleep.  
  
Irvine watched her as she did so. It was only right they would all think he was a horribly evil person by tomorrow. They wouldn't want to come looking for him now. He wouldn't endanger them…  
  
The End  
  
A/N: Ugh. That was a lot of work. Sorry it was so long. The reason it took so long to get out, is because surprisingly I was working on the sequel. Which has a lot of Raven in it and a lot of Irvine, and of course everyone else. Hope to get that out soon…it's not going to be a romance… more of an action and adventure. But don't lose hope on Irvine and Moonbay yet. Cause it's not over till I say it's over. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Till next time- God Bless.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song Amazing Grace. Nor do I own any of the characters except for Jericho, David, and their family. I don't own the song "Wanted" That was written and sung by Vanessa Carlton. Buy her cd!  
  
Thanks for reading. Leave A Review On Your Way Out. 


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